Nicki Minaj.
Say "Minaj" out loud.
Take the 'A' out.
You just said Minj.
...
Welcome my little turd cupcakes of rainbow delight.
Today I'm going to share with you my love of...
WRITING!
Yes believe it or not - I've written many many novels!
Some when I just hit 10 years old, some more recently!
I SHALL NOW TAKE YOU THROUGH THEM WITH THE POWER OF THE INTERNET.
1. Spikes Life (2005 - 57 Pages)
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| The original title card I used on the front of the Novel |
INTRO
Spikes Life was about a young boy named (would you believe it) Spike, who was a child genius inventor.
BUT NATHAN MY UNICORN SEX GODESS? WHY DID YOU CALL HIM SPIKE?
Well audience - It wasn't enough for me to give him Spiky hair. Oh no.
His name was James Lasken Ekips.
However despite some childish misdemeanours, this was an excellent story.
CHARACTERS
- SPIKE - 10 year old boy genius who doesn't die.
- JONNY ADDERCOAL - Evil 40 year old obese villain with a robot arm who lives in the scrap yard.
- DAVE COLOAP - Spikes only friend at his new school, who turns out to be an evil robot.
- MRS FUDGE - Spikes teacher - Dies as per Usual.
- ROBOBUTLER - Spikes faithful robot butler, best friend and servant.
- SPIKES PARENTS - They didn't do much.
PLOT
Spike and his family move to a new town - where he begins setting up his range of gadgets (Including a Limo that can fly and dig underground, and a bike that hovers). Spike's Butler realises his latest invention was swiped by Jonny and his scrap bots so he has a showdown with him at the junk yard - before a big chase in trucks that results in an ungerground chase - leaving Jonny lost underground. Spike attends his first day of School and meets Dave Kaloap, before they go on a field trip to the Circus. The circus was RUBBISH and so Spike vows to build a robot clown to maybe help out the circus master - who just so happens to be Jonny in disguise. Dave comes with Spike to Inventor Island - a rubbish tip for scrap metal off the coast where Spike is based to build the robo clown. Dave unfortunatley slips in a virus disc to the Robo clown Spike builds before they drop it off at the circus and into the hands of his enemy. The next day at school, the cloned Robo Clones attack the town and specifically the school. However a convinently placed tray of magnets for science clutch to Daves face revealing him as Jonnys robot - causing spike to get angry. He leaves the school in a hurry to board his scooter and leaves Mrs Fudge and his class to be converted to Robo Clowns. As Spike races home to find his watch - which will allow him to track down the original clown and therefore the location of Jonny's base - we find out that its Spikes fault Jonny's arm was lost. Jonny used to be a surfer and in his day - a shark bit it off. In the hospital Spike was born just as they brought in Jonny and Spike messed around with the power lines. This meant Jonny couldn't have his arm reattached in time - hence Jonny's hatred of him. Spike finds that Jonny has taken over inventor Island and with his Robo Butler, the two fly in the Limo to Inventor Island for a final showdown. Jonny has already been converted to the clown empror - and in the fight amongst the scrap the Robobutler suggests that he blow himself up to destroy the original robo clown and therefore the rest of them. Spike barely escapes as the Island explodes and Spike is arrested at the end of the novel.
DEATH:
The Robo Butler was the death. I didn't enjoy killing him but let's face it - THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY.
SEQUEL:
A sequel was planned - featuring Spike bringing Jonny back from the dead to attempt to stop a robot gone rogue - but was cancelled in favour of the next project.
2. Cats (2006 - 65 Pages)
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| The original ugly logo of "Cats" |
INTRO:
Cats was the story of a community of talking animals - all of whom feared the Cat Napper.
The main characters were Ginge and his friend Bob (Who loved BANANA PEELS).
Despite it being almost a kids novel - I still find Bobs lines HILARIOUS to this day.
CHARACTERS:
- GINGE - The ginger cat who was the wisest leader. He liked to wear sunglasses.
- BLACK STRIPED BOB - The idiot cat whom was dropped on his head at birth. He likes to lick banana peels.
- TITCHY - Titchy was an incredibly OBESE cat who thought she was the best at everything.
- BRAINY BOTTOM - An experiment on a cat went wrong - his face is on his behind, but he's incredibly smart.
- SKIPPER AND FLIPPER - Siamese frogs who befriended the group - each have afros and love disco music.
- WILLY WHISKERS - The catnapped cat.
- KARLOS COLAOP - The Cat Napper himself - whose life was changed one day at work.
- MRS FUDGE - The same teacher from Spikes life - this time as Ginge's owner.
PLOT
Ginge wakes up one morning and dreads the killer hug from his owner Petunia Fudge. Petunia is an over reactive woman and so Ginge escapes to the streets where he finds his friend Black Striped Bob - who speaks practically backwards he's that dumb. He informs Ginge that Titchy has called a meeting in Ashton alley and the two dash to get to the meeting because Willy Whiskers has been captured by the Cat Napper. As they pass a shop, the Cat Napper is climbing into his van and Willy Whiskers shouts to them causing the two to give chase to the van as it drips paint, however they loose it after following a similar van. At Ashton alley, Titchy reveals Dr Dave the Dog has also been captured, and so Brainy bottom agrees to do some reasearch. They discover he murdered three cats several years ago, and used to work for the 'Kitty Cleaning Company'. Brainy offers to build a helicopter on a visit to Addercoal scrapyard (Jonny's scrap yard) but they just need an idea. However due to Bob's suggestion being picked, the helicopter is shaped like a banan peel. When the helicopter is assembled, they move over the city searching for the Cat Nappers van - but Bob falls out dragging the frogs Skipper and Flipper with him, so Ginge sky dives after the trio, who in turn are captured by the Cat Napper. However when Ginge catches up with the van he realises that its stopped outside HIS house, and inside where he is joined by the others, learns that the Cat Napper is Karlos Colaop, who acutally is Mrs Fudge and has been all along. Years ago she was a rich woman who owned a cat food company before she was bought out and got a job at the kitty cleaning company, disguised as a man named Karlos. As she went to wash some kittens one day, one vomited a banana peel onto him, revealing the cat as a young bob, and dropped three into the bath to drown, and Bob onto his head. Knowing she would be fired, she escaped in the van and has been living lies ever since, and now wants to kill ALL THE CATS IN THE WORLD with his followers. He locks the cats over a bath of boiling water, but Ginge escapes and frees the others, and two old ladies who own Titchy arrive and throw Karlos into the bath, burning his face before he is arrested. As the group is reunited and the Cat napper carted off to prison, the team are happy again.
DEATH:
Unfortunatley NOBODY DIED! Originally Karlos/Fudge died, but was left alive and imprisoned for a possible sequel.
SEQUEL:
CATS 2 - THE BIG SWITCHEROO was written, however was lost.
3. JK & JK2: The Witch Wars (2006-2007)
INTRO:
JK was the tale set in the fictional land of Secresa, where a group of elite warriors put forward by the King, called the Rekiveret, defended the lands from the evil Tenrollo Vikings and there Witch mistresses.
Quite a good short series, but the third one "JK3: The Death Queen" was never finished.
CHARACTERS:
- JOHN KNIGHT - Orphaned boy who grew up in Revelt, and didn't know he was the Son of the King.
- TEFERNO - Rekiveret Captain who takes on John as a father figure when he invites him along.
- GEDOMI - The Ginger Rekiveret Master who is unsure of J.K but is a fierce warrior.
- TOBI AND CHEZTEX - Little and Large friends, who are Rekiveret warriors.
- TOSTRO - The leader of the Viking Tenrollo and J.Ks arch nemesis before its destruction
- THE WITCH - The witch who commands the Tenrollo from the shadows and seeks to destory the Rekiveret.
- THE WITCHES DAUGHTER - The loyal daughter of the Witch.
- THE WITCHES GRANDSON - The son of the Witch's Daughter who killed John's father.
- KELLI - Teferno's wife who was missing for years, hidden as a rat.
- GENERAL SKOVSKI - Skeleton General of the Skeleton Army the Witch raises after the Tenrollo's defeat
- REKIVERET MASTER JEREYO - Close friend of the king and the first Rekiveret master.
In the first novel, J.K grows up in Revelt sad and alone with Deric his only friend, and another seige by the Tenrollo kills Deric, but the Rekiveret save the day. JK's gaurdian is murdered by Tostro, so JK foolishly attacks him. Teferno arrives in time to save JK and carries him away as the village burns. Watching safely from the mountains, JK discovers his gaurdian was the Witches Grandson and thats why the Rekiveret burned the village down. As they begin to venture across the Ferenyaku desert Gedomi reveals that they need to have somebody with future seeing powers stand in Revenslock point and see the years to come and ensure that the Tenrollo vikings don't over power them and win. JK is informed the king had these powers and is revealed to be the son of the king and therefore also has them. The Witches Grandson attacks them in the desert with a time stop, but JK tricks him and the Grandson dies. Tostro watches them from afar as they arrive at Demlock city, a safe haven the Teferno's friend is the king of. As they arrive and seek space to sleep, the Tenrollo storm the city and JK watches as Teferno is murdered by Tostro. The Rekiveret hide in the sewers of the city till the Tenrollo leave. As JK grieves Teferno, he comes back to life. They escape the massacred city and arrive at the Shaman market, where Teferno explains the Witches pendants. A set of five pendants, which as long as you're wearning one means you cannot die or be injured. The one Teferno owns belonged to JK's father. Cheztex buys a large key and says they need it to get through the Gate that the Shaman control. Tobi leads the group to the Rekiveret tower where the council of Rekiveret will here their request for an army - after Revenslock point is overtaken by Tenrollo fleets and castles. As they storm in, the council and all Rekiveret inside are dead, and the Witch family are found inside, wearning pendants. JK stole Teferno's pendant, and uses the crystal inside to melt the Witch and causing the other two to fight as JK falls out the window. He wakes up several days later to find the tower destroyed and the Rekiveret group in grieving, as Tobi was killed in the battle. JK also realises he has magical abilities after Gedomi reveals his mother was the Witch. They reach the Shaman Gate and open it, as Tostro and his Tenrollo gather on the other side and take the Rekiveret by suprise. In the fight, JK manages to swing a mace of Tostro's head killing him, but it is revealed he is wearing a Pendant as he floats off down the river. The Tenrollo retreat back to Revenslock Point to defend it, and the Rekiveret arrive in the village of Seville El Verno for rest before the big fight tommorow. The war begins for Revenslock point, and using a pendant, Cheztex brings back Tobi from the dead and they manage to reach the mountain and Revenslock point. Tostro arrives to block the way, and finally Tostro falls off the mountain and dies. JK uses his abilities to sense the future and sees that the Tenrollo will loose. As they sit on Revenslock Point, Teferno offers to train JK and he agrees to join the Revikeret on their next mission: Recovering all the Pendants.
The second novel opens six years later at the tower of Feldam amongst a war between the Rekiveret and the Skeleton warriors of the Witch. JK climbs to the tower in search of the map which shows the location of the Third Pendant, as they have already recovered two - Teferno's and Tostro's. General Skovski challenges him at the top of the tower, and just as Skovski was about to kill JK, the Witch's daughter (also JK's sister) calls the Skeletons back to the underworld. JK retrieves the map and shares it with Teferno Gedomi Cheztex and Tobi, and discover the third Pendant's location. Teferno says JK is almost a Rekiveret Knight, and gives him a golden pair of scissors for some reason. As the group heads towards Tree House City on their way towards the third pendant, a mad Tenrollo member appears and snatches a Pendant from Teferno and uses it to ressurect Tostro. JK challenges Tostro as the others go on ahead, leading to another battle between the two, ending on a cliff top where Tostro chops several limbs from JK's body, before Teferno kicks Tostro off the top. Teferno heals JK with a pendant and the two catch up to the others at Tree House City, where General Skovski and his men have captured the others and ambush JK and Teferno as they arrive. General Skovski reveals he was Gedomi's brother until an accident left him head and reanimated as a skeleton. Gedomi and Skovski fight as the others escape, the fight culminating in Skovksi dragging Gedomi with him to the underworld. In an attempt to rescue him, Teferno searches the city for a hatch where he finds a mouse, who with a drop of potion turns itno Teferno's wife Keli. After a slap and a smooch, Keli helps the Rekiveret reach the underworld, where General Skovski is lowering Gedomi into a pit of Lava.. Teferno and Keli move to save him whislt JK challenges Skovski. JK defeats Skovski, who escapes to the surface as the battle ends and Gedomi is rescued. In a field, Teferno collapses into sleep so Keli takes care of him whilst Gedomi, Cheztex and Tobi go ahead to the Shaman Village to buy a boat to cross the water. Keli is possesed by the witches and begins to fight Tobi as she arrives in the village. The fight leads to Keli grabbing Tobi and throwing him into the water with her and diving away. Cheztex is distraught again at the thought of Tobi dying, and Teferno reveals she was turned into a mouse years ago and corrupted by the Witch. As they boat is prepared, Gedomi reveals that to become a Rekiveret knight JK must beat all members of his group in combat, and has already defeated Cheztex and Tobi. Gedomi challenges him to battle in the village. Gedomi is revealed to be amazing in combat and only looses due to JK getting lucky with an arrow shot, meaning as soon as JK defeats Teferno he will become a Rekiveret Knight. As the boat travels, Gedomi explains how his brother Tonkor Skovski was burnt to death and reanimated by JK's mother due to their frienship. The boat flips over and the squadron arrive in a giant underwater bubble set up by the Witches Daughter and Grandson in which they can breathe. A battle ensues, and a possesed Keli and Tobi fight Tefeno and Cheztex while JK and Gedomi take care of the Daughter and Grandson. JK snatches their Pendants as the battle ends, and Tobi breaks their control over him, and Keli escapes with the the Daughter and Grandson. As they return to the boat and continue on now with 4 Pendants towards Valencia Volcano, below Tostro confronts the Witch family and Keli about an idea he has to stop the Rekiveret. They reach the Volcano Island, where Teferno and Gedomi take the forests to challenge the cyclops, whilst JK Cheztex and Tobi travel through the volcano tunnels, facing a group of dark pixies called the Fevibien. When JK is seperated from the others and strugges against the pixies, he finds living in a cave an old man, who is the leader of the Rekiveret, Grand Master Jereyo. Together they escape the tunnels and discuss the prophecy. They meet up with the others where they sail across some more water to get to Dekelham Pass, before Jereyo takes the boat to the Rekiveret tower to restart the council to its former glory. The group near the Tower of Decius where the final pendant is, but General Skovski ressurects a Dinosaur of bones in Dekelham pass. JK manages to break the spell keeping Skovski alive and throws him into the sea, his bones floating away. They make it through Delekham pass where the Pyramid of Doom is all that stands between them and Decius tower. However inside is a Giant Tostro - who was turned into a giant by the Witches Daughter - whom is able to easily able to defeat all the Rekiveret. However Grand master Jereyo arrives at the last moment and defeats Tostro with ease, throwing him into the lava. JK Rushes to finally grab the pendant, and the quest is completed. Using the feather from Teferno's hat, they have a fight to determine if JK is ready to be a knight. The feather takes JK to any location and any time he likes for the fight - and JK chooses "Corocough Castle, on the Night my father died". Back in time, the two begin to fight in history, and stop to watch JK's father be murdered by the Witches Grandson, before the fight continues on a bridge high above Revenslock point. Teferno slips and hangs on to some rope, but JK uses the scissors Teferno gave him at the start to cut it and drop him off, rendering JK the winner. As the quest is completed, Teferno crowns JK - REKIVERET KNIGHT.
DEATH:
Too many to count. My favourite being Tostro's MANY deaths.
SEQUEL:
The final story in the three story saga was never finished.
4. THE WATER WAR CHRONICLES (2008 - 2011)
NOW - These were INCREDIBLY LONG. Each had over 200 pages and the story was so Complex I shall NOT go into it. However, it is set in a post apocolyptic world where some people live on land, and some in underwater cities. However an evil corporation plan to destroy all the water cities and dry up the seas to form more land to conquer. The series follows three teenage boys as they inadvertantly save the world and manage to die every now and then.
POSSIBLY I SHALL GO INTO FURTHER DETAIL AT SOME POINT.
5. The Girls of Banner Island Boarding School (NOT WRITTEN)
This Idea came from a recurring story Idea I had when I was younger - what if all the girls rose up and took over a boarding school and with high tech machines converted all the boys to girls? What if the teachers where involved? What if there was a CIVIL WAR?
Thats the Idea!
BUT NATHAN MY LLAMA SCREWDRIVER!
WHATS THE POINT OF THIS?
I want to know WHICH STORY YOU LIKE THE SOUND OF THE MOST. I know some are under explained (DUE TO REVISING FOR EXAMS WHILST WRITING THIS POST) but whichever one you guys pick I WILL WORK MY ASS OF ON THIS SUMMER.
So PLEASE tell me... What do you want me to write? :D
